A simple question that enables us to change the world
How to make empathy actionable.
There is one question that is the wet blanket of ambitious projects.
It dampens enthusiasm for collaboration.
It's an age-old question that sits at the heart of all conflict.
If you can answer this question many times over, you have the power to achieve unimaginable change.
The question?
What’s in it for me?
While looking out for your own needs is important, “What’s in it for me?” becomes super powerful when it’s being asked by others-and answered by you.
It is the essence of empathy.
When I started out as a project manager I knew empathy was important. I had previously cared for patients as a physician and had come to appreciate that empathy for others was one of the most satisfying aspects of being a clinician.
Running projects? That seemed to have little room for empathy. Then as I started into my first big project we started to have patients involved. They produced artwork as part of an asthma art contest, an they told their stories.
The effect on the researchers was powerful. Now after more than 60 big projects I have come to have a much deeper understanding of empathy.
Empathy isn’t just a simple emotion. It is a skill that can be mastered. What most don’t realize is that there are many different types of empathy.
Here are seven differnet types of empathy and how you can make them actionable in developing and delivering big projects that have the potential to change the world.
1. Empathy for Those With the Problem
Don’t assume, discover
Most projects start with a solution. That’s a mistake.
The real work begins with understanding the problem-deeply, from the perspective of those who live it every day.
I’ve watched rooms full of scientists go silent when I say, “Let’s start by defining the problem.” Everyone thinks they know it. They rarely do. The truth is always more complex, and what matters most to one person may be irrelevant to another.
Actionable insight: Start with your own take, but don’t stop there. Convene a group. Listen. Let the problem reveal itself.
Related: How to Run a Problem-Defining Workshop
2. Empathy for Your Collaborators
Heed the hidden drivers
Here’s the brutal truth: pure altruism doesn’t sustain big projects.
Everyone at the table-academics, industry, government-has their own “what’s in it for me?” That’s not selfishness; it’s reality.
In public-private partnerships, for example, academia wants high-impact publications. Industry wants products that sell. If you ignore these drivers, your project will stall.
Actionable insight: As someone who wants to develop a big project your task is to truly understand the goals and needs of other partners. The tendency will be to dismiss their ideas or expression of need when it is different than your own ideas. Often this is in the name of focus. Successful big project leadership requires serving multiple different goals and aspirations within the same project.
3. Empathy for the Implementers
Pay tribute to the gatekeepers of reality.
You can design the perfect solution, but if the people who have to implement it aren’t on board, it will fail. Worse, they’ll let it fail quietly.
Implementation isn’t just about compliance-it’s about enthusiasm. When implementers are excited, they’ll adapt, improve, and champion your solution. When they’re not, they’ll poke holes and walk away.
Actionable Insight: Bring implementers in early. Ask: “What would make this work for you?”
4. Empathy for the Affected
Manage ripple effect.
Your solution will touch more lives than you think.
Maybe you’re building a new therapy. But if it requires specialized labs, will hospitals adopt it? Will clinics pay for it? What about the patients who never see the benefits?
Stakeholder empathy means looking beyond the obvious. Do a stakeholder analysis: who’s affected, what do they value, and how does your solution fit (or not fit) into their world?
Actionable Insight: Identify every group touched by your project. Aim to deliver to the values of each and every type of stakeholder. Involve them in your thinking.
5. Empathy for the Funders
Interpret their language.
You’d be amazed how many proposals ignore what funders actually ask for.
Funding calls are Frankenstein monster like patchwork of conflicting needs. Your job is to read, re-read, and clarify. If possible, talk to the funders. Understand their criteria and motivations. Tailor your pitch to what matters to them.
Actionable insight: Read calls for proposals until you can recite them. Where allowed, talk to the funders.
6. Empathy for those running the current system.
Respect the Status Quo, but don’t bow to it).
Most solutions require changing the status quo.
Sometimes, the people running the current system will have to implement your new approach.
Sometimes, your project threatens their entire way of working.
Understand why the system works as it does. If it’s “just the way we’ve always done it,” there’s room for change. If there’s a real reason, address it directly.
Actionable insight: Study the current system. Ask, “Why is it done this way?”
7. Empathy for the Resisters.
Turn Opposition Into Insight
This is the hardest empathy of all.
Resisters challenge what gives your work meaning. Still, you must listen. Understand their objections, and design your project to address them. Sometimes, the best strategy is to build enough community support that resistance becomes a minority voice.
Actionable insight: Listen to the resisters. and then make them the minority.
An empathic leadership operating system
To build these seven types of empathy, use this loop:
Listen: Not just for your turn to speak-listen to understand which types of empathy matter most.
Ask Questions: Use assertive inquiry. The “five whys” technique is your friend.
Design: Use what you learn as design criteria. Group design sessions leverage collective intelligence.
Communicate: Turn empathy into a compelling story and vision.
Collaborate: Involve all types of people, at every stage. As you may have noticed for most of the types of empathy the action step is to bring people with different perspectives into your big project. The smaller the project the more difficult it is to make it multi-stakeholder.
The most complex and most meaningful projects require the involvement of multiple stakeholders and multiple different disciplines.
The defining trait of those who change the world.
If you want to make a big change, you need all seven types of empathy and you need to put them to work in making a big project happen.
It’s not about more effort-it’s about a new mindset. Empathy isn’t just a warm feeling; it’s the defining trait of leaders who change the world.
Sharen your empathy along with other skills you need to develop and lead big projects. Join the big project collective.
Scott, this is a thoughful and impactful way of thinking about handling project development. I espeically like that you are empathizing with each segment of those involved which allows people to be heard as well as model this type of consideration of others and different points of view. I also appreciated that you included communicating this to everyong. I hope that communication included not just what the project included, but also how the different voices were accomodated or considered. It is not only important that people be heard, but also that they feel heard.
You make some great points, Scott. Being able to listen and showing empathy to others is essential to the success of any project. If you don't listen and show empathy, others will do the same to you. Great leaders lead by showing these qualities in themselves, which inspires others to do the same. That is how you find success in big projects.