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Blanca's avatar

I’ve seen it happen in meetings where no one’s trying to be hostile, but they still end up talking past each other. One person raises a concern, and instead of answering that concern, someone else reframes it into a weaker version that’s easier to dismiss. You lose trust pretty quickly that way.

In my experience, especially in creative teams, the ability to stay with someone’s actual point and really explore it makes all the difference. That’s when the room gets smarter together. But it only works if people feel safe enough to speak without being twisted into someone else’s narrative.

I liked your point about the steel man. It’s not just about fairness, it’s about building something useful together. And curiosity really is the antivirus. Not performative politeness, but the kind of honest curiosity that helps you see what someone else sees before trying to prove anything.

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Scott Wagers's avatar

Agree. This happens even in happy, friendly meetings. You raise an important issue. We need to be aware of our own logic and curious about the logic of others.

Fairness is the problem with consensus. When we seek consensus it is a compromise (lose/lose) instead of a third, unseen way (win/win).

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